Breaking the Cycle: The 16 Days of Activism and Its Crucial Role in Healing Families

G'day, beautiful souls! Today, I want to take you on a journey. A journey that's close to my heart and, I believe, crucial for every family out there. We're going to dive deep into the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence, and trust me, it's more relevant to your daily life than you might think.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Nicki, this sounds heavy. I came here for parenting tips, not a global activism lecture!" But stick with me, because this campaign isn't just about far-off issues – it's about the very fabric of our families, the patterns we inherit, and the future we're creating for our children.

As someone who's dedicated her life to helping families heal from trauma and build stronger, more empathetic relationships, I've seen firsthand how the ripples of violence can affect generations. But I've also witnessed the incredible power of healing and transformation. So, grab a cuppa, get comfy, and let's unpack this together – with a dash of Aussie humour and a whole lot of heart.

What is the 16 Days of Activism?

Alright, let's start with the basics. The 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence is like the Olympics of awareness campaigns, but instead of sports, we're tackling one of the most pervasive human rights issues of our time.

This annual international campaign kicks off on November 25, which is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. It runs for – you guessed it – 16 days, wrapping up on December 10, Human Rights Day. It's like a global relay race, passing the baton of awareness and action across countries, cultures, and communities.

But why 16 days, you ask? Well, these dates weren't pulled out of a hat. They were strategically chosen to link violence against women with human rights, emphasising that violence against women is a violation of human rights. It's a powerful statement, isn't it?

The campaign aims to:

1. Raise awareness about gender-based violence

2. Challenge discriminatory attitudes and behaviors

3. Call for global action to end violence against women and girls

Now, I can almost hear some of you thinking, "But Nicki, I'm not violent, and neither is my partner. How does this apply to me?" Well, buckle up, because we're about to connect some dots that might surprise you.

The Hidden Face of Violence

When we hear "violence," most of us picture physical abuse. But gender-based violence is a sneaky beast that wears many masks. It includes:

1. Emotional abuse

2. Financial control

3. Verbal intimidation

4. Sexual coercion

5. Psychological manipulation

Sound familiar? Unfortunately, these forms of violence are often so normalised in our society that we might not even recognise them. It's like that old frog in boiling water analogy – if the temperature rises slowly enough, we might not realise we're in hot water until it's too late.

But here's where it gets really interesting (and a bit scary, to be honest). These subtle forms of violence don't just affect the direct victims. They seep into the very foundations of our families, shaping how we interact, how we express love, and how we deal with conflict.

Why It Matters to The Patchwork Parent (and You!)

Now, you might be wondering, "What does all this have to do with parenting teens?" Oh, my friend, everything. Absolutely everything.

At The Patchwork Parent, we're all about healing generational patterns, fostering emotional well-being, and building stronger family connections. And guess what? The 16 Days of Activism is singing from the same song sheet.

Let me break it down for you. Our PATCHWORK Approach™ emphasises:

1. Healing generational patterns

2. Emotional healing

3. Empathetic communication

4. Trust-building

Each of these elements is like a thread in the tapestry of a healthy, violence-free family. When we work on these areas, we're not just improving our parenting skills – we're actively contributing to breaking the cycle of violence.

The Generational Ripple Effect

Picture this: Little Timmy grows up in a home where Dad often yells at Mum, putting her down and controlling the family finances. Mum, feeling trapped and worthless, takes out her frustrations on the kids through harsh criticism and emotional manipulation.

Fast forward 20 years, and Timmy, now Tim, finds himself struggling in his own relationships. He has anger issues, difficulty expressing emotions, and a deep-seated fear of vulnerability. Without realising it, he's carrying the weight of his childhood experiences into his adult life and potentially passing them on to his own children.

This, my friends, is the generational ripple effect of violence. It's not always obvious, and it's certainly not intentional, but it's real, and it's happening in countless families around the world.

But here's the good news – and it's really good news. We have the power to break this cycle. By addressing our own traumas, understanding our emotional triggers, and learning healthier ways to communicate and resolve conflicts, we can create a new legacy for our families.

The Impact on Families: Beyond the Obvious

Let's dig a little deeper into how gender-based violence impacts families, because it's not always as straightforward as we might think.

1. Emotional Development: Children who grow up in homes where violence is present, even if it's not directed at them, often struggle with emotional regulation. They might have difficulty identifying and expressing their feelings in healthy ways. This can lead to challenges in forming and maintaining relationships later in life.

2. Normalised Behaviour: When children witness unhealthy relationship dynamics, they may come to see these as normal. This can lead to them either accepting abusive behaviour in their own future relationships or perpetrating it themselves.

3. Academic Performance: The stress of living in a violent or emotionally volatile home can significantly impact a child's ability to concentrate and perform well in school. This, in turn, can affect their future opportunities and self-esteem.

4. Physical Health: It's not just about bruises. The chronic stress of living in a violent environment can lead to a host of physical health issues, from weakened immune systems to digestive problems and even cardiovascular issues later in life.

5. Mental Health: Anxiety, depression, PTSD – these are just a few of the mental health challenges that can stem from experiencing or witnessing gender-based violence in the home.

6. Intergenerational Trauma: This is a big one, folks. Trauma doesn't just affect the individual who experiences it. It can be passed down through generations, influencing family dynamics, parenting styles, and even genetic expression.

7. Social Relationships: Children from homes affected by violence often struggle with social skills and forming healthy friendships. They might be overly withdrawn or, conversely, act out aggressively.

8. Economic Impact: Violence in the home can lead to job loss, medical expenses, and legal costs, creating financial stress that further strains family relationships.

9. Substance Abuse: Both victims and perpetrators of violence are at higher risk of turning to substance abuse as a coping mechanism, which introduces a whole new set of challenges for the family.

10. Cycle of Violence: Perhaps most disturbingly, children who grow up in violent homes are more likely to either become victims or perpetrators of violence in their adult relationships, perpetuating the cycle.

It's a lot to take in, isn't it? But remember, knowledge is power. By understanding these impacts, we're better equipped to recognize the signs, seek help, and break the cycle.

The PATCHWORK Approach™: A Tool for Change

Now, I don't want to leave you feeling overwhelmed or hopeless. Far from it! This is where the magic of our PATCHWORK Approach™ comes in. Let's break it down and see how it directly addresses the issues we've been discussing:

P - Parental Behaviour: We focus on helping parents understand how their actions and reactions shape their children's worldview. By modeling respectful communication, emotional regulation, and healthy conflict resolution, we're laying the groundwork for violence-free future generations.

A - Awareness: This is all about increasing self-awareness and understanding of family dynamics. When we're aware of our triggers, our inherited patterns, and our emotional responses, we're better equipped to make conscious choices rather than reactive ones.

T - Trust: Building trust is crucial in creating a safe family environment. This involves being reliable, maintaining boundaries, and creating emotional safety – all antidotes to the fear and unpredictability that characterise violent relationships.

C - Communication: Effective, empathetic communication is at the heart of healthy relationships. We teach parents how to listen actively, express themselves clearly, and navigate difficult conversations without resorting to aggression or manipulation.

H - Healing: This is where we dive deep into personal and generational trauma. By addressing our own wounds, we prevent them from bleeding onto our children. It's not always easy, but it's incredibly powerful.

W - Wholeness: We emphasise the importance of seeing each family member as a whole person, with their own needs, desires, and experiences. This perspective fosters empathy and reduces the likelihood of using control or violence to get one's needs met.

O - Openness: Creating an environment of openness allows family members to express themselves without fear of judgment or retaliation. This openness is crucial in breaking the silence that often surrounds domestic violence.

R - Respect: Mutual respect is the foundation of non-violent relationships. We help parents understand how to demonstrate respect for themselves and others, and how to teach this valuable skill to their children.

K - Kindness: Last but certainly not least, we emphasise the power of kindness – both to ourselves and others. Kindness creates an atmosphere of nurture and support, which is the antithesis of a violent environment.

Can you see how each of these elements contributes to creating a family dynamic that naturally resists violence? It's not about quick fixes or surface-level changes. It's about deep, transformative work that ripples out to affect not just our immediate family, but future generations as well.

How You Can Get Involved

Alright, my lovely readers, now that we've unpacked the issue and seen how it relates to our work at The Patchwork Parent, you might be wondering, "What can I do?" Well, I'm glad you asked! Here are some practical steps you can take to support the 16 Days of Activism and contribute to creating a violence-free world:

1. Educate Yourself and Others:

- Read books and articles about gender-based violence and healthy relationships.

- Share information on social media (but please, fact-check first!).

- Have conversations with friends and family about these issues.

2. Support Organisations:

- Donate to local shelters or organizations working to end gender-based violence.

- Volunteer your time or skills to these organizations.

- Attend fundraising events or organize your own.

3. Model Healthy Behaviour:

- Practice respectful, non-violent communication in your family.

- Teach your children about consent and bodily autonomy from an early age.

- Challenge gender stereotypes and discriminatory attitudes when you encounter them.

4. Engage in Personal Growth:

- Participate in our PATCHWORK Approach™ programs to heal personal traumas and improve family dynamics.

- Attend workshops or therapy sessions focused on emotional healing and healthy relationships.

- Practice self-reflection and journaling to increase self-awareness.

5. Speak Up:

- If you witness harassment or discrimination, speak up if it's safe to do so.

- Support friends or family members who may be experiencing abuse.

- Advocate for policies that protect victims and survivors of gender-based violence.

6. Create Safe Spaces:

- Make your home a safe space where all family members feel respected and heard.

- If you're in a leadership position at work, implement policies that promote equality and prevent harassment.

7. Engage Men and Boys:

- Recognise that ending gender-based violence isn't just a "women's issue" – it requires everyone's involvement.

- Encourage the men and boys in your life to challenge toxic masculinity and promote gender equality.

8. Use Art and Creativity:

- Express your thoughts and feelings about these issues through art, writing, or music.

- Attend or organise events that use creative expression to raise awareness about gender-based violence.

9. Practice Self-Care:

- Remember that engaging with these heavy topics can be emotionally draining. Take care of yourself and know your limits.

- Model good self-care practices for your children.

10. Stay Informed:

- Follow reputable organizations working in this field to stay updated on current issues and initiatives.

- Be aware of the laws and resources available in your community for addressing gender-based violence.

Remember, every action, no matter how small it might seem, contributes to creating a safer, more equitable world. It's like that old saying about how to eat an elephant – one bite at a time. (Though personally, I prefer to think of it as creating a patchwork quilt – one stitch at a time!)

A Personal Note: My Journey and Why This Matters to Me

Now, if you'll indulge me, I'd like to get a bit personal. You see, this isn't just a professional passion for me – it's deeply personal.

Growing up, I witnessed firsthand the subtle forms of emotional manipulation and control that can exist in a family. It wasn't anything dramatic or obvious – no one would have looked at us from the outside and thought, "Oh, that's a violent home." But the undercurrents were there – the walking on eggshells, the unspoken tensions, the subtle put-downs that chipped away at self-esteem.

It wasn't until I was much older, studying for my Master's in Kidz Coaching and later diving into NLP and shadow work, that I began to understand the impact these dynamics had on me. I realized how these patterns had shaped my own relationships, my parenting style, and even my sense of self-worth.

This realisation was both painful and liberating. Painful because I had to confront some uncomfortable truths about my upbringing and my own behavior. Liberating because it opened the door to healing and change.

My journey of healing led me to create The Patchwork Parent. I realised that so many parents out there were struggling with the same issues – carrying the weight of their own childhood experiences, desperately wanting to do better for their kids but not knowing how.

That's why the 16 Days of Activism resonates so deeply with me. It's not just about addressing obvious forms of violence – it's about shining a light on the subtle, insidious ways that unhealthy relationship dynamics can perpetuate themselves through generations.

Every time I work with a parent who has that "aha" moment – realising how their own unresolved trauma is affecting their parenting – I'm reminded of why this work is so important. Every family we help heal is a step towards a world free from violence.

Looking to the Future: Hope and Action

As we participate in the 16 Days of Activism, I want to leave you with a message of hope. Yes, the statistics on gender-based violence are sobering. Yes, the work of breaking generational patterns is challenging. But change is possible. I've seen it in my own life and in the lives of countless families I've worked with.

Imagine a world where:

- Children grow up feeling safe, valued, and respected in their homes.

- Partners communicate with empathy and resolve conflicts without resorting to any form of violence.

- Emotional intelligence is valued as much as academic intelligence in schools and workplaces.

- Seeking help for mental health and relationship issues is normalised and accessible to all.

- The cycle of intergenerational trauma is broken, creating a ripple effect of healing that extends far into the future.

This world is possible, but it starts with us – in our homes, in our families, in the everyday choices we make about how we treat ourselves and others.

During these 16 days and beyond, I encourage you to reflect on your own experiences and consider how you can contribute to a world free from gender-based violence. Whether it's through our coaching programs, community support, or personal growth work, remember that every step towards healing is a step towards a more peaceful world.

Let's use these 16 days as a catalyst for change, not just in our global community, but in our homes and hearts as well. Together, we can create a patchwork of healing, one family at a time.

And remember, dear reader, you're not alone in this journey. We're all works in progress, learning and growing together. So be kind to yourself, reach out for support when you need it, and never underestimate the power of your own healing to change the world.

Here's to breaking cycles, healing hearts, and creating a future free from violence – one patch at a time.

With love, hope, and a dash of Aussie spirit,

Nicki

P.S. If this blog post has stirred something in you – whether it's a desire for change, a need for support, or simply more questions – please don't hesitate to reach out. The Patchwork Parent community is here for you, and together, we can navigate this journey of healing and growth.

Book in a chat HERE